I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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