I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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