I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
