I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
