I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am mentally ready for anal.
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