somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
