I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
