so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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