You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
God, I missed his penis.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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