Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
