Where is the hickey?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
