don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
