was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
