Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
