The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
