me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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