i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
