Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
