My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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