To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
