is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just puked most of my soul out..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
