I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
