porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize