I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
