wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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