Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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