the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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