whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
They took my balls.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How does it feel to date your dad?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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