Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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