Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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