New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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