How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
