the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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