everyone is single if you try hard enough
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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