This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
