Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
