The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
