Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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