did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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