You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
