Whod you bang
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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