i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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