You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
