I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
