you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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