I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
