You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
