It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
