Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
