I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
