Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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