How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize