I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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