just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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