After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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