I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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