Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
