He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize