I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
