True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
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