hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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