I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
