Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
