I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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