I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
