I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
