My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
