I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
