I accidentally had phone sex last night
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
