Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
