Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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