I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
