Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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