I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
