and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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