someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
