Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
