She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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