**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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