just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
