It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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