...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
