She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
