Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
