is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
