My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
