I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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