One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
