babies were throwing up all over the place
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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