so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
