I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So much Jack, so little girl.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
