maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
