i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize