I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
