We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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