hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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