It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
