Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize