i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
