hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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