So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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