Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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