I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
