just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize