Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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