so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
