I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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